What’s Next

It’s 2022. The pandemic still rages, and many things still feel upside down. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take out of 2021, but I’m sure it’s not a neat lesson I can tie with a tidy bow. My brief glances back over the year linger over a lot of beauty but also skim a lot of tender spots. When I try to think about what I want from 2022, I take deep breaths and try to push away the worry.

Here are my ideas for what I think I want: I want to write a lot, and to listen well. I want to keep on discovering beauty in words. I want to laugh at funny things and let my whole body sink into my couch. I want to read and relax and keep on finding peace in the middle of the busiest days. 

These don’t feel like the goals I would have made in earlier Januarys. Those earlier goals would have been quantifiable, with time frames maybe, and measurable outcomes. I still want some of the things I wanted then, and I still have some of those goals in my mind. But it’s funny to me that when I ask the question, “What’s next?” what comes to mind right now is relaxing into a small life filled with love. 

I have always chafed at the idea of living a small life. Those two words together still feel a little claustrophobic, like I’m being squeezed between them. Saying I want a small life feels a bit like I’m settling. But as I start this year, I want to finally release the childhood idea that I have to be big or special or important to matter or to do good in this world.

My word for this year is generosity. It’s a solid, full word that stretches. It gently pushes against that claustrophobic feeling and lets me breathe, broadening my life and welcoming others. I want to assume generously with people, and to practice generosity toward myself–believing the best about others and thinking less about what I deserve, and not stressing too much about it all when I make a mess of it. I want to consider what I have to give and to really enjoy giving it, and to let others off the hook when what I have doesn’t suit their needs. The way I’m thinking about generosity is really another form of grace, and that sounds just about right.

When I think about 2022, generosity is about the best way I can think to start it.